Anxiety ~ Emotions

As we approach the one year "diaversary" for Trey's diagnoses, I am full of anxiety.  I recall when he was diagnosed, the range of emotions I went though was similar to grieving.  Thankful, scared, sad, angry, happy, confused, etc.

I find myself going through that all again.

Thankful for all we've learned in the last year. Thankful we caught it early, before he was dealing with ketones or even in DKA.  Thankful for Dr Gupta, his nurse Emily and for our new CDE Theresa.  Thankful for the prayers. Thankful for my MOD'S Facebook group and other mom's who have offered advice and help when I have T1 questions.  Thankful for fellow T1's like Uncle Jeff and Trey Bagwell who give Trey someone to relate to.

Scared every day.  Scared of what blood sugars will be.  Will he drop too low??  Will his organs be damaged as he gets older due to too many highs?  Scared kids will make fun of him.  Scared he will develop depression - as many T1's do.

Sad this happened to my little, innocent boy.  Sad that a four year old was diagnosed with an uncurable disease.  Sad. Sad about the whole damn thing.

Angry about the whole damn thing too.  Angry that diabetes even exists.  Angry that the world is so uneducated about T1.  Angry that the price of diabetic supplies is astronomical.  Flat out pissed off, quite honestly.

Happy that my little boy was able to make his dream of playing hockey possible.  Happy that while it's not fun to have T1, it IS something that can be treated.  Happy there are people working on a cure and better equipment advancements to help those who live with the disease.  Happy that it hasn't slowed Trey down and that he actually handles himself and his disease with amazing grace.   Happy that because of my talking about this journey, I've been able to help others.

Confused as to why T1 is becoming an epidemic.  My personal thought is because of the foods and lifestyles we have now.  The chemicals we have in our foods.  We don't eat organic enough - and we have so many medicines to treat the simplest things like the common cold -- I firmly believe these things all damage us in the long run.  Confused ... Diabetes is confusing in general!

It's a roller coaster. I hate rides. But this one one ride that I will never get off of, like it or not, because I'm right there with my little guy as he continues to fight for his life every single day.